With this technical academic work going on, it has been a full week pastoring. I'm going to try and visit some of our sick today. One feels the weight and the complexity of the illnesses. In Southern California, it is very hard to work with the medical profession. Confidentiality laws, meant to protect patient's rights -- and in some ways do, also isolate the patients for control by the medical profession.

I stopped by the hospital on Tuesday evening to see "Pops." Pops is a friend of the congregation, and has been very ill. Pops isn't the most verbose of persons, and we talked, I tried to get him some crackers, but I couldn't get a sense of the diagnosis to provide proper support for him long term. It actually took me two times to see him because the first time he was involved in "a procedure". The fact that I was pastor made no difference, or that I've known Pops a long time and could help with him. The medical profession isolates -- makes a claim on bodies as under their care. Again, I understand the good in this, but it is an isolated good that becomes disordered against the good of the patient, because the body of the person does not "belong" to the medical profession -- through the Eucharist, the body is part of the body of Christ, and individually a member of it. To deny this reality -- the true reality -- in medical treatment makes things difficult.

Tuesday night I went to Bread of Life, our little version of the classic soup kitchen. Numbers are up, even at the beginning of the month. More and more people, in order to cover rent, have to do without food, and so join us regularly. People are so gracious and thankful. My friend Sue, whom I've know for about 8 months, may soon be able to move off the streets. Sue has been a tremendous gift to those on the streets with her presence there. She cares for people, befriends them, and I sense the depth of love that people have for her. She is a RN, and has received a job offer in a hosital about a mile or two from the church.

But of course, it is difficult to move from living on the streets to a job, even once it is offered, because it costs money to start a job, as well. We were able to share some funding from our congregations common good so that she can re-certify in a minor area as well as acquire the necessary goods for beginning work. I am hopeful that she can move into one of our houses in the area of the church as she makes a transition back where her gifts can be utilized in different, more sustainable ways. Her wisdoms, skills, joy, perseverance in this time that I've known her have been very humbling. It makes it hard to complain about other things that I face. My hope for my congregation is that they don't see the work of mercy of feeding the hungry as primarily about the distribution of food -- though of course that is important -- but about the reception of the Spirit for their sanctification through the gifts that God brings into our lives as a result -- gifts like Sue.

Wednesday I met with a pastor of a larger Church of the Nazarene nearby to talk about beginning a meal out of our building for the neighborhood in which our building dwells. The few miles that separate our congregations are a demographic chasm -- it is a "suburban church"; we are an "urban church" -- whatever that means. Yet the collegiality is profound as we share together. Unfortunately he is involved in finishing selling part of the church properties, trying to get the move past the Community Development Corporation now.

It is interesting how such an agency, not even governmental, is given control over the church in this society. It shows very concretely that while "religion" in liberal societies is "free" - one can hold whatever private "belief" that one has, the church is not free, nor is it trusted to work for the good -- only commercial and government agencies are imagined to have moral capability. Because of the possible complications, we have again had to push back the starting of this date. Thus, this commercial/governmental agencies authority over the "common good" really involves a common good that excludes the poor. Yet our sister congregation is going to help us immediately in starting our food pantry, and so we will slide into the sharing of food with the neighborhood where our congregations gather.

After that meeting I drove off to LaJolla to visit Mike Patterson, who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer -- where he had been transferred to receive help from a new, more specialize medical team. For those who do not know San Diego, LaJolla is an elite community, a beautiful area overlooking the ocean, as well as the site for a Univeristy of California site and a major world sight for the biotech industries. The PGA has a tour stop there every spring. We don't get many folks who get hospitalized in LaJolla from my congregation. I got directions, turned into a hospital, drove down to part, walked in only to find that I was at the wrong one -- there are two hospitals side-by-side. In a society where medical care is an increasingly inaccessible good, in the wealthiest area of San Diego hospitals are abundant.

I drove to the next entryway and found my way to the hospital -- run by UCSD. I walked in and found a large, three story open concourse with elegant columns, open space, doors to a beautiful garden, marble-like flooring and interior -- but no information or welcome desk (there was valet parking available outside,though!). I didn't know how to find Mike, so I saw a nurse walking out of a little convenience shop and asked if she could direct me to the welcome desk. She asked, "Who do you want?" I told her the name and she responded, "Did he ask for you?" I had my clerical collar on at the time and I responded that he was my parishioner and friend. She pulled out a list from her pocket and said, "He's not on the second floor; he must be either on 3 East or E West." I thanked her, and proceeded up the elevator.

He wasn't on 3 West. When I told the nurse station that he was receiving treatment for cancer, she said, he must be on 3 East. So I went there, past the ugly instituion doors that said "Keep doors shut" that separated the wards from the beautiful interior. I walked inside to be told that Mike had been released the day before, and that they could give me no more information. I was not able to speak directly with any medical professionals who we might support Mike, what to expect, explain some about his wider social conditions that will directly effect his care. The nurse looked sympathetically at me, because she knew that I was appraised of the situation. I stated, "It is a shame that the medical profession cannot work more directly with clergy for the care of the patients; but I understand the law and what you have to do." Again, the legal, social structures make a body an individual, isolating and separating that body from the body of Christ, from pastoral care, in the name of 'individual rights.' When rights language replaces language of what is good, the individual's body is handed over to the power of the state and the organizations that work for the state's interests. In the process, Mike has been handed over to "medical experts" who don't know him, and who really don't have time or interest for his whole care and setting -- they are compensated to take care of his illness, not for suffering with him as we are called to do, uniting his and our sufferings with the sufferings of Christ.

As a result of this, I believe that we need in our congregation to get medical release forms filled out before hand, and keep them on file. We need to protect the good of each other, of course, but provide a means of circumventing the state's control of our bodies when we need medical care. This might be good for other congregation's to do as well.

I had a visit with another member of the congregation to talk about the use of the image of a pilgrim way-station for the congregation's life. I need to reflect and write on it more. That evening I had a long conversation about the staffing needs and programs of the congregation. Part of the pastoral office is to exercise certain judgments for the good of congregational mission. This is the most unpleasant aspect of the office, for I know the contingencies of my judgment, and that my judgment can and will be different from others. My judgments can be therefore hurtful to others, just by their nature. This stinks. It is hard work to overcome. It is not fun to hear disapproval of me or of the congregation -- worthy though the disapproval might -- or might not -- be.

Meanwhile, Scott Harrison's trial for murder, special circumstances, has proceeded all week. We have tried to watch the kids some and support; yet we feel the weight -- the power to kill has been granted by the state to a body of strangers of our brother and friend who I am convinced is innocent of murder, and the victim of other's lies. But in the United States, the legal system is about winning, not necessarily about obtaining truth. Though from what I can tell the prosecutions case has not been strong (I don't believe it can be), the defense has not waged much a case except to show the holes in the prosecutions case. The verdict will be guilty or not guilty, not guilty or innocent. Closing arguments will be held on Monday. The family has asked for persons to attend in support for Scott. I am planning to go and get back for our church board meeting that evening.

Yesterday evening, my brother Brian Becker reminded me of the plight of the 15 Haitian refugees in Dominica. Dominica seems willing to release them to the United States -- and even wants to help to do it. But to get the legal coverage here for them is difficult. We suddenly are involved in international affairs, where our ability to live in solidarity with our French speaking congregation through these refugees, has to be mediated, and thus controlled, through the state. I'm not sure exactly how to go at this, for the energy and emotions and time and money to work through various agencies and governments seems overwhelming. Yet God has brought us into direct solidarity with these people who are legally disenfranchised -- the Visas of all but one of the group have now expired in Dominica. As Haiti itself falls into violent disorder, who can we not go ahead? Yet one feels one's helplessness, but also the responsibility and hope put upon us by the group and by our French-speaking congregation.

Other items have loomed as well in the background. A young friend of the congregation's father may have died suddenly; his friend was in my office yesterday with tears in her eyes of concern, for she was scheduled to visit the family on Monday. The Nuer congregation received a shock this week when the VP was killed in the Sudan. The civil war from which they fled, and which had been settled, threatens to emerge again, and they all have concerns for their families in light of the genocide of the past 30 years. A member of that congregation is going to preach for us tomorrow.

We are meeting tonight to watch a video, "Invisible Children", that looks at the forced militarization of children in sections of Africa. A member of our congregation was involved in filming a sequel this spring and is going to share with us. We also are going to discuss helping Ashby get her Children's Home going in southern Kenya.

Tomorrow when we gather in worship, we are also gathering after the Eucharist to eat a meal catered to us by Lillian, a member of the French-speaking congregation, a good friend of our congregation, who was born in the Congo (I believe -- correct me if I am wrong). We are also trying to take orders for beautiful Christmas cards, made by children in the care of a congregation of the Church of the Nazarene in Africa who have lost their parents due to Aids. We hope that this direct economic exchange of goods can sustain them in their lives, as well as beginning a certain type of "catholic economy" that is not controlled by multinational corporations, but distribute goods economically for the good and sustenance of all.

It is in this setting that I woke up this morning around 2:00 am in prayer. I have to be thankful. I have been moved by my new friend, David, at ressourcement.blogspot.com who titles his email "Christ is with us!" Christ is with us, indeed! The richness and fullness of life that comes in Christ is an adventure. How could I predict my life would be so full when I was baptized? Yet it is also the context for our Lord teaching us to pray, "Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."